finally, some political conclusions 3.November.2008

“Never underestimate the power of a few committed people to change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has” (Margaret Mead).
Foreword:  I wish I had the time and energy to respond to each of you separately, but again, I can only thank you for the time and thought you put into your responses to my last post.  It all was food for thought.  Some of it angered me; some of it challenged and changed my convictions; all of it was appreciated.  I believe such candid discussions bless and refine our communities.
Thanks to Jill’s link to Jim Wallis’s article on listing one’s own “faith priorities,” I have made my own list of non-negotiables — issues of faith that I believe should not be compromised in politics.  It’s this list that’s guiding me as I go into the voting booth tomorrow.  I come at most of my faith priorities from an obviously Christian viewpoint, but I have realized that no candidate can fulfill all of the items on my wishlist.  Jesus could, I think, or at least He could change my mind to see where I’ve misread His priorities.  I foolishly maintain that Jesus is the answer for everybody everywhere, and the only reason we can’t figure out how to run a nation with perfection is because we don’t have enough of Him and His philosophy.  (Speaking of Jesus, I really want to read Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw’s book Jesus for President: Politics for Ordinary Radicals as soon as possible!)
My Non-Negotiables

1. A pro-life perspective.  On war, abortion, and life-threatening diseases, I will support a presidential candidate who not only protects the life of the unborn without reservation, but also protects the lives of its citizens, even those in the military.  While military troops may be willing to give their life, I believe a President should only risk those lives if absolutely necessary, and furthermore will not abuse his power by choosing to go to war without the proper support of the other branches of government.  Life threatening diseases are of particular concern in third-world countries, and I will support a presidential candidate who makes foreign aid (either through the government or through the American people) a priority.  I also believe that the death penalty should be abolished because I believe in forgiveness and redemption.

2. Care for the weak.  Based on many verses scattered throughout Deuteronomy, the Psalms and verses like Luke 3.11 (“[Jesus] answereth and saith unto them, He that hath two coats, let him impart to him that hath none; and he that hath meat, let him do likewise.”), it’s obvious God cares for the widow, the orphan, and the poor.  He asks me to care for these groups of people regardless of how much they deserve it.  They do not supersede His importance (see Mark 14.7), but especially now that Christ is not with us in flesh, we are called to represent Him to the poor, the widows and orphans, and to all the world.  God cares about those with little strength, and I can support a candidate who respects God’s perspective in this.

3. Freedom.  As a Christian, I find true freedom through Christ, but insofar as the Constitution claims to protect its citizens’ “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” (as well as some other freedoms), I will support a candidate who will uphold these rights.  Specific freedoms on my mind (by no means exhaustive) are the freedom of speech (so that I may spread the gospel) and the freedom of homosexuals to marry.  American freedoms should only be limited when they endanger another person’s freedom (as in the needful arrest of a criminal).

4.  Environmental care.  The earth is the Lord’s; we are its stewards.  I will support a candidate who does not promote further tearing down of God’s Creation, but allows it to be sustained and nurtured.

5. Inclusiveness.  This concept mainly deals with immigration.  If our nation is to live by moral, just principles, we should embrace those who wish to join our social experiment.  Deuteronomy 10.18 says, “[God]… shows His love for the alien by giving him food and clothing.”  We need a nation that will allow this type of open door philosophy.

6. Cultural regeneration.  Political officials should applaud healthy family values and the necessity of quality education over economics.  I will support a candidate who does this.

Choosing a Candidate
I’ve come to a conclusion whom to vote for, by the way.  Want to know who it is?  Well, my friend Tami sent me a few notes after my original political post, assuring me that a vote cast for a third-party candidate would not be wasted.  She gently introduced me to Chuck Baldwin, a Constitutional party presidential candidate endorsed by my old favorite, Ron Paul.  Baldwin is a little unrefined, his website unpolished, and has held no government office.  He fails to mention poverty or the environment on his site, which bothered (bothers) me.

But he has some interesting things to say about abortion:

“Republicans tout themselves as being “pro-life.” Yet, the GOP controlled both houses of Congress and the White House for six years and did absolutely nothing to overturn Roe or end abortion-on-demand. If the Republicans were really serious about being pro-life they could have already ended legal abortion in America. Obviously the Republican Party and most GOP politicians are not serious about ending abortion, but are, regrettably, simply content to perpetuate the issue to manipulate pro-life voters.

Under my administration, we could end legal abortion in a matter of days, not decades. And if Congress refuses to pass Dr. Paul’s bill, I will use the constitutional power of the Presidency to deny funds to protect abortion clinics. Either way, legalized abortion ends when I take office.”

Having read that, I was wondering: What exactly is the saving grace for the Republican party, if, as Baldwin claims, the pro-life agenda is only a campaign point for them? If McCain will cut my taxes, won’t Baldwin, as a small-government, unbending Constitutionalist, cut them more?

And so my thinking spiraled into a series of what if questions:

• What if I had more money to give to the world’s poor, or to give to the perpetuation of the gospel message, or to give to the building of a more environmentally just future?  Would my dollar — and the dollars of those who care for social justice — stretch further than if it were in the hands of the government in the form of taxes?
• What if there were more competition in the health sector?  Would natural health remedies be more common and celebrated?  Would necessary prescription drugs be more fairly priced?
• What if “we are the ones we’ve been waiting for?   What if “we are the change that we seek?”  If volunteerism and “every man for his neighbor” were philosophies that began to blossom throughout our country, would we need the government to do the jobs of poverty-fighting and carbon-taxing?

And then on the flip side, I wondered:

• Isn’t Constitutionalism a bit ruthless?  Without the regulation of the government, won’t Americans all the more seek their plastic castles at the lowest price possible?  Won’t they cease to care about how their food is produced, or from whom their oil comes?

But it turns out I believe in the triumph of good over evil (I know, I know, that’s a big, assuming statement!).  I really do believe in grassroots movements to spread messages of love and change.  I believe that by picking trash up in the park, I have done my part in reducing the need for government (and I’ve taught my son something about caring for the gift of nature).  I have hope that our nation’s financial struggles and health crises and embarrassment of an educational system will be recognized through the voices of the passionate.  New remedies can be sought be more easily when freedom is at its height.

So, in the end, Chuck Baldwin will get my vote tomorrow, for a few reasons:

1.  I like the idea of voting for a third-party candidate.  If we look toward the future, hoping for a party that conforms more accurately to our political priorities, one of the best ways to make that happen is to stop voting for the Big Elephant or the Big Donkey, and vote for a human instead.  (Please don’t take offense at my facetiousness!)

2. I believe in the power of average citizens (and especially those powered by Christ) to bring about change.

3. I can vote for Baldwin with the least guilt, given my “faith priorities.”
How Baldwin Meets My Priorities

It is a little difficult to go into depth on how Baldwin specifically fulfills all of these (or even most of them), since many of these “faith priorities” have been placed under my responsibility because his Constitutional ideals.  Protection of life (priority 1) and freedom (priority 3) are two cases over which I have little to no control as a citizen, and Baldwin’s presidential plan takes these into consideration.  As for the others, I will try to create a picture of how most of these priorities can be played out under his presidency.

1. A pro-life perspective.  Baldwin is unapologetically against abortion, protecting the life of the unborn baby.  He also firmly stands against engaging in wars that do not directly endanger the rights of the American people.  He says, “‘Supporting the troops’ means putting their interests and America’s interests first and not in needlessly endangering them by engaging in ‘policeman of the world’ military adventures all over the world.”  I believe this is an important “pro-life” stance to hold.  As for exercising a pro-life stand in regard to life-threatening diseases here and around the world, I believe that Constitutionalism has the potential to make the greatest impact on eradicating HIV/AIDS, malaria, tuberculosis, starvation, and other life-threatening conditions.  Try this on for size:  Barack Obama pledges to double foreign aid from $25 billion to $50 billion dollars by 2012 — a commendable goal.  But for the 300 million Americans to meet the same financial goal without the government as the go-between, each citizen would have to give only $166 per year.  A pipe dream?  Not if taxes were significantly relieved.  Not if this modest goal were perpetuated by a small group of committed people.

2. Care for the weak.  Again, Baldwin’s plans calls for the citizens to tend to these issues, rather than the government.  So, in a way, I’m voting for myself to get this done.  But with Darrell Castle (the vice-presidential candidate) as the founder of an organization which ministers to homeless gypsy children in Romania, I’m hopeful that care for the weak is a priority that will be supported by a Baldwin presidency.

3. Freedom.  Chuck Baldwin’s Constitutionalism sounds like the best plan I’ve heard to protect an individual’s right to freedom –for protection against slavery, for protection of rights for homosexuals, for choice and competition in education, the right to eat as one desires, etc.  His plan gives no special rights to anyone, but protects each citizen equally.

4. Environmental care.  While I think a carbon tax like Obama proposes could reduce the negative impact Americans have on the environment, it may not teach them to care about nature or understand its role in our lives.  Baldwin doesn’t address the environment specifically, but my hope is that his Constitutionalist message would increase competition for farmers, stop the subsidizing of single-crop farming (read: corn!), and promote organic, sustainable agriculture.

5. Inclusiveness.  On immigration reform, Baldwin is a bit tough on illegals, as my friend Tami warned me.  While I agree that there have to be restrictions and laws in place to protect American citizens, to ship all illegals back to their respective countries (as Baldwin wants to do) would be unnecessary if they are willing to go through the proper procedures.  Baldwin welcomes legal immigrants.  I admit Baldwin comes short of the mark on this priority.

6. Cultural regeneration.  As far as I have seen, Chuck Baldwin supports and models healthy family values.  Baldwin’s plan for education is to eradicate the Department of Education and do away with public schooling.  Can you imagine that?  He argues that the Constitution doesn’t give the government power over education, and that privatizing education would improve its quality.  I would love to be part of this experiment!
Some Final Thoughts

Some of Chuck Baldwin’s ideas seem far-fetched, and I admit, I can’t imagine living the United States he describes.  But if it happens, I want to be a part of it.  To avoid the ruthlessness of having a smaller government, to prevent the public from destroying itself, I believe Constitutionalism calls on the Christian church and other concerned and caring citizens to promote principles of health and life and love to those who are less fortunate.  In fact, I believe that’s the only way Constitutionalism will work.  We cannot look at Constitutionalism as “every man for himself” but as “every man for his neighbor.”  That’s the kind of nation I want to live in.  And that’s what I’m voting for tomorrow.

But (ding!) let me just wake up to reality and admit that Chuck Baldwin will not win tomorrow.  I still refuse to fear either the Republican or Democrat candidate.  I do not agree enough with either of them to give them my vote, but I will give them my prayers and support.  My sister Rachel posted a blog article called “Religion and Politics”, in which she shared the main points from her pastor’s sermon on Sunday.  For a Christian in this election, her thoughtful post was such good news.  To borrow her pastor’s final questions:

• Where is your hope?
• Are you going into Tuesday with fear or faith?
• Most of all, is this fear or faith stoking your desire to go into the world with the gospel?

Finally, after a lot of stressful reading and pondering, I’m happy with my answers to those questions.

a proverbs 31 wannabe 7.August.2008

I read Proverbs 31.10-31 as much as any chapter in the Bible.  Maybe it’s because that’s my lot in life right now — a homemaker, a home organizer, the female force of our family (nice alliteration, eh?).  And it motivates me to see the beauty that this woman makes of her family’s home.  The people around her are more whole because of her.

Tonight I read The Message version for the first time:

A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.

Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.

She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.

She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.

She’s up before dawn,
preparing breakfast for her family
and organizing her day.

She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she’s put aside,
plants a garden.

First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.

She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.

She’s quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.

She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.

She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.

When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.

She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.

Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
“Many women have done wonderful things,
but you’ve outclassed them all!”

Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!

Be silent, you feminists.  This is as high of a calling as they come.  Would I could be to my family what this woman is to hers.

The only problem is, I look at this portrait and think: Is she real?  Is this even possible? Shouldn’t I, as a daughter of the Almighty, a temple of the Spirit, be able to pull off a decent fraction of these qualities?  But instead, I get about one thing done a day.  I “make about a dollar” (to quote Donald Miller in Blue Like Jazz).

The time is swallowed up by some faceless behemoth, and I am left at 12.09a.m. in the darkness, typing, hoping that by some drizzle of grace, I can do better tomorrow.

quest for the perfect pizza 3.July.2008

One of the hardest things to give up on my raw diet was pizza.  I was raised on Pizza Hut pan pizzas, but now I swoon over creative, thin-crusted wonders.  (My apologies to the Pizza Hut delivery boy who reads my blog.)

The best way to eat pizza is with the love of your life at a patio table, where you can gaze into each other’s eyes over a glass of red wine.  You start off with a light Italian-style salad, savor your wine, and by the time the pizza comes, your eyes are so glazed over that you’re not sure if it’s your husband’s charming company or the magic of the pizza that’s making you feel hopelessly smitten.

But these days, good babysitters are in short supply and budgets are tight.  So we have try to have beautiful meals at home.  And oh, how I wish I could make the perfect pizza myself.  I realize I could buy a crust, but crusts are overpriced, full of preservatives, and never perfectly thin.  So I’m now on a quest to make the perfect pizza.  I realize it’ll never measure up to a genuine pizza from Italy (which I longed to eat while reading Eat, Pray, Love).  But if I’ve never tasted a genuine Italian pizza, it can’t taunt me.

So far, I’ve found a basic thin crust recipe at Robbie Rice’s recipe site.  It is nowhere near amazing, but it is the only thin crust I’ve ever made, and it sure beats thick, much-too-hearty bread machine pizza dough.  Tonight was attempt number two with the recipe, and considering I avoided getting sticky dough all over my hands, I will call it a success.  The pizza lay beautifully over my big round pan.  But I also learned that next time I need to prebake the crust just a couple minutes before adding toppings.  And I learned that I should not add even a little bit of breakfast-flavored sausage from my parents’ farm — even if it is more sustainable than most pork — because it is not conducive to pizza wonder.

After I started my crust, I realized I had no pizza sauce.  I panicked until I found a lone can of tomato sauce in the back of my pantry, and I admitted to myself that frugal times do not warrant emergency trips to the grocery store.  I conconted my own sauce by adding fresh, organic, local tomatoes grown by Eugene Holmes (their sustainability must have made all the difference) and throwing in some seasonings.  Voila!  It was quite good, much to my surprise.

Fresh basil from my patio, spinach leaves, green pepper, red onion, newly grated mozzarella cheese – now these may be conducive to pizza perfection.

The pizza was… pretty good.  Not perfect or even wonderful.  But I’m getting there.

When I think of the huge learning curve that comes with making things from scratch, I can get too overwhelmed to experiment.  Canning my own produce and preserves?  Baking my own bread?  You know how much time those tasks consume?  And the first few batches are not always like you imagined they would be.  But now that I’ve started making my own pizza crust, I’m realizing that I can enjoy the slow steps to perfection.  As for the time, I think I enjoy it much more if I take things slowly.  I can hand Isaiah a spoon and his own bowl, and we’ll learn together.  In the end, it may be much more fulfilling than throwing toppings on a premade crust and rushing out the door to prepaid baby gym.

release 17.June.2008

“The world cannot afford the American dream.” -Shane Claiborne, author of The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical

Today a woman named Lauren took a heavy crystal bowl off my front porch.  She left three pairs of shorts for Isaiah.  It was sheer Freecycling joy.  I didn’t know if I should give away my bowl.  It was a wedding present from my cousin, after all.  But then, I can’t remember using it… ever.  I tried to sell it on a couple garage sales, but there were no takers.

On Thursday, the Salvation Army truck will pull up to our house and take a box full of clothes.  I hope they go to people who will wear them, people who need them more than I do.  I want to tell you how few clothes hang in my closet now, but I still ask myself if there are too many when I read what John the Baptist said: “He that hath two coats, let him impart to him that hath none; and he that hath meat, let him do likewise” (Luke 3.11).  I have more than two coats.  I have at least five.

So I let my bowl go.  I let go of a lamp and a pair of shoes.  I let go of some dressy skirts.  I like the skirts, but I have other dressy things to wear.  I wonder to myself if I can go one year without buying clothes for myself.  I wonder if I would have the courage to wear my clothes until they wear out.  I want to learn to value the things I own.

Over the weekend, Isaiah broke my glasses.  I left them on the coffee table, and he brought them to me in two pieces, saying “da-tsuss?”  The look on his face said, “Uhh… what happened?”  I know normal American people go to get new glasses when old ones break.  And I probably will, too, because my husband thinks I should.  But my vision isn’t seriously impaired; it’s only a mild astigmatism.  I squint at the computer screen, and I can’t read faraway signs in the grocery store.  But I can get by.

I ask myself if my trying to get by with less brings glory to God, if that’s what He had in mind for our generation of Christ-followers.  I can prove to the world any day that I can survive without frivolities, but God didn’t ask me to gloat in simple living.  A thankful rich person may know God better than a proud pauper.

As I sorted through our clothes yesterday, I kept finding worn-out jeans — holes in the knees, a seat of the pants worn too thin.  Kyle’s grandma used to make quilts for her grandsons from the fabric of old jeans.  So I cut up the pants, hoping to do the same.  We have Kyle’s denim quilt already, but I told myself it would be nice to have one that fits the bed better.  We could decorate Isaiah’s room with cowboy decorations; it’d be swell.  There are moments I just want to be normal again, when I wish I could just stop worrying about whether I’m doing the right thing by the rest of the world.  But then I asked myself if I ought to make the quilt for someone else — maybe for the children benefited by Project Linus.  We have a quilt already, after all.  And if anyone has two quilts…

My pile of fabric taunts me from the top of the piano.

she called me crunchy 28.May.2008

So first it was recycling.  And then cloth grocery bags.  The Diva cup.  Walks to the store.  And dreadlocks.  And now raw vegan (plus honey)?  My sister said I was pretty crunchy.  I took it as a compliment.  Really, me?  Crunchy?

It would be easy right now to fall into the tree hugger persona.  To fulfill the next expection of the awaiting crowd.  But to tell you the truth, I don’t even know what Green Peace is. (Oh, look!  I can find out with one click of the mouse.)  I haven’t constructed a compost bin.  I don’t have an opinion on global warming… yet.  (And I have cravings for cookies every day.)

I want to be a temple.  I want to be pure and lively, guiltless and free.  I want to remember to love my time with my boys – Kyle and Isaiah.  I want us to all live the most full lives possible while we’re here.  It’s pretty cool being a crunchy temple.  But then again, I doubt the Temple-dweller cares about my labels.  He just wants it to be comfortable.

women of Spirit: three portraits 20.May.2008

I have often prayed for spiritual mentors — older women who just know how to love Jesus.  I thought my spiritual mentors would come in the form of wrinkled faces and saggy arms, hands that were agile in the kitchen and in the garden.  I expected gentle counsel on how to potty train Isaiah, how to put him to bed at night, and how to get him to eat his vegetables.  I thought my mentors would be, like, 50 or 60 years old.

Instead, it turns out they’re my peers.  They’re women close to my age, women I developed acquaintance with quite by accident, or so it seemed at the time.  They go through their struggles with grace, inspiring me.  Sometimes I fear being too vocal about Christ on my blog.  I don’t want to turn away people who don’t believe in Him.  But to these women, life is Christ, and because of them, I am challenged never to treat Him as an appendage but rather as my breath and my heart and my soul, out of which comes all my other interests and passions and talents.

Rachel loves the Lord with seriousness and dedication.  She has been my sanity in this city where friends are so hard to come by.  She gives so much, blessing other women with the gift of community and fellowship.  She teaches her boys to love God, to have respect, to know right from wrong.  I have never seen her waver, never heard her badmouth someone, never watched her go bad on her word.  She’s solid, she’s faithful.

Danielle — she is amazing.  She’s packing up to move to Iraq as a missionary.  As I’ve learned to know her during her time in Dallas, she has been solely focused on spreading the gospel.  That is her reason for living.  She has had me pray about whether marriage should be part of her future, and she is determined to not marry anyone who is not equally compelled to preach the good news to all nations.  Her parents died last year in a flood, and she came through the turmoil believing that their heart for missions was the legacy they were passing on to her.  And so she’s leaving, quitting her high-paying job, to love the lost of Iraq.

And then there’s Jessica.  I barely know her, I’ll admit, though I hope that changes someday.  But as I read her blog, and she talks about her day and the little baby growing inside her and her love for her husband, I am just abudantly, exceedingly blessed to watch those parts of her life.  She loves the Lord.  She dedicates herself to developing the roles in which God has placed her, and she does it with joy.  She seems so excited to live with fulness of life, even if it’s in the middle of Nowhere, Kansas (you know, where I grew up).

These women give me hope — hope that messed up, wavering me can live with purpose.  Hope that maybe if I lift this dirty, colored glass up to the sun, Jesus can shine through me like he has through Rachel and Danielle and Jessica.  And hope that maybe I can be beautiful, too.

lent and the forgotten disciplines 11.February.2008

Just after Easter last year, I committed to seeking deeper intimacy with God.  In the beginning, I chose a different discipline on which to focus every month, hoping to have a renewed passion for Christ by Easter of 2008.  Since November, my disciplines have gone by the wayside.  (November’s challenge of loving Kyle in new, creative ways sounded really fun, but I honestly didn’t feel like the biggest romantic on the block when we had to pack up and move out of our house in a matter of two weeks.  Being houseless for another week didn’t help matters either.  So, I didn’t meet my challenge.  I didn’t get anywhere close.  But I’m not about to leave that one in the dust forever; it’s too much fun.)

It was my (sister’s) friend Jill’s candid post about Lent that compelled me back to my journey to intimacy with God.  Oh, yes… Lent.  Easter will be upon us soon.

Last Easter, I had so little joy.  On the most joyous of celebrations for followers of Christ, I felt so… blah.  And that felt utterly wrong.  That’s why I started my disciplines in the first place.  Though I haven’t had formal disciplines since November, I wanted to be a part of one final period of reflection in the weeks leading up to Easter.

I have never celebrated Lent, but its call to penitence, selflessness, fasting, and prayer draws me.  I think these traditional Lenten practices are something I’d like to, as Wikipedia says, “[take] up with renewed vigour” in the weeks leading up to Easter.  When I was younger, my Catholic friends always “gave up” something for Lent — a favorite snack, often.  So, in my first commemoration of Lent, I’d also like to “give up” something:  my joylessness.  A few years ago, John Piper (in Desiring God) first taught me the command of joy — although I had read the command countless times in the Bible already.  However, I’ve never tried to practice joy as a daily habit until now.

Claiming joy is my final discipline of this year’s journey to intimacy.  If it means that I spend more time sitting with God and meditating on his brilliance rather than updating my blog readers about how I’m not meditating on his brilliance, I hope you won’t mind.  My service is needed elsewhere.

november challenge: loving Kyle 2.November.2007

Well, look at me, posting my challenge on the first day of the month!  Uh.  We won’t talk about how I skipped last month.  I’ve been berating myself all of October for that one.

First, a report on the living healthily challenge from September:  I did pretty well.  I slipped up on the exercise thing a couple times because I forgot.  I started to adopt the trading-in-something-bad-for-something-better thing as a regular habit during that month, so I don’t know if I did it every day, but I think that’s okay.  I got sick for a few days, so I laid off on the vegetable and fruit thing because all I really wanted was chicken noodle soup.  I learned that feeling gross and headachey after a bad meal has more to do with my overdosing on sugar (pop, in particular) than overdosing on greasy pepperoni pizza.  I think that’s an important discovery that I should have figured out before now, beings I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant.  I am feeling dense and boring tonight, and I think it has more to do with running around after a one-year-old all day than my having just eaten a buttery scone.  So, for now, I have no monumental nuggets of wisdom gleaned from my month of living more healthily.

As for November’s challenge, it’s all about romance.  Whoopee! 

I missed Sweetest Day.  I’ve never celebrated it before, but I heard on the radio that it was coming up, and I wanted to do something fun as a surprise for Kyle, but things were busy, and I got tired, and, and, and… I missed it.

In general, things are crazy once you have a kid.  Even if he goes to bed at eight, you still feel like a sopping dish rag by the time you’re finally alone as a couple.  At least I do.  Really, I feel more like a dry dish rag right now — the kind that’s all crusty and molded into its previously soppy shape.  Sexy.  Very sexy.

I have no more details for you tonight on my incomparable sexiness, but I’ll fill you in on the challenge.  (Yikes.  It’s November.  That means I start today.  And it’s already after 9…)

I resolve to do something romantic for my husband every day.   I can’t give details because he reads my blog.  But I want to surprise Kyle, look and feel beautiful for Kyle, and be nice to Kyle more often.

Okay, I admit, even at 9.14 p.m., this challenge sounds like it could be just a little bit… fun.

getting angry 16.August.2007

The whole creation groans. Me. The poor, the widows, the orphans. The trees, the cattle, the chickens, the cornfields (okay, maybe not the cornfields; corn is king).

I’ve been reading about social justice and food. I’ve had this perpetual pressure in my sinus area — tears ready to burst at the injustice in the world. If being an environmentalist means I care about this world and everything in it, yes, I guess I’m an environmentalist.

It started with reading Justice in the Burbs by Will and Lisa Samson. It’s only been a week, and I already feel the wisdom of that book slipping from my memory. But I still remember the assignments I gave myself: to open my heart and arms (and not just my checkbook) to the suffering people of this world. Why? Because it’s right.

There was an interview on our local NPR station today that made me mad. This lady was trying to convince women that it was too risky to forsake their occupations and stay home with their babies. “Because what do you do when divorce or death claims your husband? You’ll have no way to support yourself!” Well, number one, if women kept their vows to their husbands, divorce wouldn’t be in today’s epidemic proportions. As for the widows, followers of God have been commanded to care for them, so wives shouldn’t be left in dire straits even if their husband does die. I could go on and on, but the point is: the system is broken. This is a broken, broken world. Women shouldn’t be made to feel like it’s risky to be a stay-at-home mom.

Let me change gears.

Reading a book about the history of food — The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan — didn’t seem to be something that would call that slow, dull ache back into my throat. But as I read it, I keep asking, “God, what are we doing to your world?” As for our production and consumption of food, we’re so deep in poisonous cow manure (that literally coats the floors of our super beef-producing factories in America’s “heart”land) that we can’t even find a conceivable way out of it.

I’m so angry with the people who tricked our nation into believing that corn-fed beef is something wonderful, when in fact, it sickens creatures God made to eat grass (the cows, not us). But when you have your plate full of that “prime” corn-fed steak, you’re feeding yourself a long, slow death, too. Beef wasn’t meant to be poisonous.

I’m fed up with the industrialization and materialism in America, with the lie that says that you can have it all. I’m angry I don’t know how to practice the attribute called sacrifice. I’m frustrated that I, who grew up proud to say, “I’m a farmer’s daughter,” feel my agricultural background crashing in on me, slicing away my idealism that my daddy farmed perfectly. I’m angry that he probably didn’t have that option, and I’m angry that I don’t have the freedom to do things the best way possible because of how our nation’s politics work.

I’m tired of standing in front of the display of bread and being upset because all the healthy-looking hamburger buns cost twice as much as the bleached-white ones. I want eating “natural” to come naturally. But instead, it requires research, money, and… sacrifice.

I want to open a farm. I want to grow things without poison and sell them for the prices they’re worth. I want to invite people to work there who need love and a job and someone to pull them up (because they haven’t found those bootstraps everybody keeps talking about). I want to know an orphan; I want to know a widow. I want to stop being a glutton for fast food, gasoline, and cheap relationships.

I want to stop being a hypocrite.

summer’s last hurrah 6.September.2006

They called it “summer’s last hurrah,” but here it rained all day, which was okay with me. We listened to the rain and to each other. We bought hot drinks and could at long last enjoy them. I counted the weeks left — one, two, three… seven-and-a-half — and knew we wouldn’t have much time left to just do nothing.
Summer’s over; fall’s coming. I love fall, so I think it’ll all be okay. The dripping rain keeps my heart from pounding, so I close my eyes and listen. It teaches me to stop… and read… and praise… and wait. And the next day, the memory’ll remind me to sit and listen to the fountain splashing on the water. It’ll teach me to be calm about wondering what tomorrow brings. God knows so I don’t have to.