finally, some political conclusions 3.November.2008

“Never underestimate the power of a few committed people to change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has” (Margaret Mead).
Foreword:  I wish I had the time and energy to respond to each of you separately, but again, I can only thank you for the time and thought you put into your responses to my last post.  It all was food for thought.  Some of it angered me; some of it challenged and changed my convictions; all of it was appreciated.  I believe such candid discussions bless and refine our communities.
Thanks to Jill’s link to Jim Wallis’s article on listing one’s own “faith priorities,” I have made my own list of non-negotiables — issues of faith that I believe should not be compromised in politics.  It’s this list that’s guiding me as I go into the voting booth tomorrow.  I come at most of my faith priorities from an obviously Christian viewpoint, but I have realized that no candidate can fulfill all of the items on my wishlist.  Jesus could, I think, or at least He could change my mind to see where I’ve misread His priorities.  I foolishly maintain that Jesus is the answer for everybody everywhere, and the only reason we can’t figure out how to run a nation with perfection is because we don’t have enough of Him and His philosophy.  (Speaking of Jesus, I really want to read Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw’s book Jesus for President: Politics for Ordinary Radicals as soon as possible!)
My Non-Negotiables

1. A pro-life perspective.  On war, abortion, and life-threatening diseases, I will support a presidential candidate who not only protects the life of the unborn without reservation, but also protects the lives of its citizens, even those in the military.  While military troops may be willing to give their life, I believe a President should only risk those lives if absolutely necessary, and furthermore will not abuse his power by choosing to go to war without the proper support of the other branches of government.  Life threatening diseases are of particular concern in third-world countries, and I will support a presidential candidate who makes foreign aid (either through the government or through the American people) a priority.  I also believe that the death penalty should be abolished because I believe in forgiveness and redemption.

2. Care for the weak.  Based on many verses scattered throughout Deuteronomy, the Psalms and verses like Luke 3.11 (“[Jesus] answereth and saith unto them, He that hath two coats, let him impart to him that hath none; and he that hath meat, let him do likewise.”), it’s obvious God cares for the widow, the orphan, and the poor.  He asks me to care for these groups of people regardless of how much they deserve it.  They do not supersede His importance (see Mark 14.7), but especially now that Christ is not with us in flesh, we are called to represent Him to the poor, the widows and orphans, and to all the world.  God cares about those with little strength, and I can support a candidate who respects God’s perspective in this.

3. Freedom.  As a Christian, I find true freedom through Christ, but insofar as the Constitution claims to protect its citizens’ “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” (as well as some other freedoms), I will support a candidate who will uphold these rights.  Specific freedoms on my mind (by no means exhaustive) are the freedom of speech (so that I may spread the gospel) and the freedom of homosexuals to marry.  American freedoms should only be limited when they endanger another person’s freedom (as in the needful arrest of a criminal).

4.  Environmental care.  The earth is the Lord’s; we are its stewards.  I will support a candidate who does not promote further tearing down of God’s Creation, but allows it to be sustained and nurtured.

5. Inclusiveness.  This concept mainly deals with immigration.  If our nation is to live by moral, just principles, we should embrace those who wish to join our social experiment.  Deuteronomy 10.18 says, “[God]… shows His love for the alien by giving him food and clothing.”  We need a nation that will allow this type of open door philosophy.

6. Cultural regeneration.  Political officials should applaud healthy family values and the necessity of quality education over economics.  I will support a candidate who does this.

Choosing a Candidate
I’ve come to a conclusion whom to vote for, by the way.  Want to know who it is?  Well, my friend Tami sent me a few notes after my original political post, assuring me that a vote cast for a third-party candidate would not be wasted.  She gently introduced me to Chuck Baldwin, a Constitutional party presidential candidate endorsed by my old favorite, Ron Paul.  Baldwin is a little unrefined, his website unpolished, and has held no government office.  He fails to mention poverty or the environment on his site, which bothered (bothers) me.

But he has some interesting things to say about abortion:

“Republicans tout themselves as being “pro-life.” Yet, the GOP controlled both houses of Congress and the White House for six years and did absolutely nothing to overturn Roe or end abortion-on-demand. If the Republicans were really serious about being pro-life they could have already ended legal abortion in America. Obviously the Republican Party and most GOP politicians are not serious about ending abortion, but are, regrettably, simply content to perpetuate the issue to manipulate pro-life voters.

Under my administration, we could end legal abortion in a matter of days, not decades. And if Congress refuses to pass Dr. Paul’s bill, I will use the constitutional power of the Presidency to deny funds to protect abortion clinics. Either way, legalized abortion ends when I take office.”

Having read that, I was wondering: What exactly is the saving grace for the Republican party, if, as Baldwin claims, the pro-life agenda is only a campaign point for them? If McCain will cut my taxes, won’t Baldwin, as a small-government, unbending Constitutionalist, cut them more?

And so my thinking spiraled into a series of what if questions:

• What if I had more money to give to the world’s poor, or to give to the perpetuation of the gospel message, or to give to the building of a more environmentally just future?  Would my dollar — and the dollars of those who care for social justice — stretch further than if it were in the hands of the government in the form of taxes?
• What if there were more competition in the health sector?  Would natural health remedies be more common and celebrated?  Would necessary prescription drugs be more fairly priced?
• What if “we are the ones we’ve been waiting for?   What if “we are the change that we seek?”  If volunteerism and “every man for his neighbor” were philosophies that began to blossom throughout our country, would we need the government to do the jobs of poverty-fighting and carbon-taxing?

And then on the flip side, I wondered:

• Isn’t Constitutionalism a bit ruthless?  Without the regulation of the government, won’t Americans all the more seek their plastic castles at the lowest price possible?  Won’t they cease to care about how their food is produced, or from whom their oil comes?

But it turns out I believe in the triumph of good over evil (I know, I know, that’s a big, assuming statement!).  I really do believe in grassroots movements to spread messages of love and change.  I believe that by picking trash up in the park, I have done my part in reducing the need for government (and I’ve taught my son something about caring for the gift of nature).  I have hope that our nation’s financial struggles and health crises and embarrassment of an educational system will be recognized through the voices of the passionate.  New remedies can be sought be more easily when freedom is at its height.

So, in the end, Chuck Baldwin will get my vote tomorrow, for a few reasons:

1.  I like the idea of voting for a third-party candidate.  If we look toward the future, hoping for a party that conforms more accurately to our political priorities, one of the best ways to make that happen is to stop voting for the Big Elephant or the Big Donkey, and vote for a human instead.  (Please don’t take offense at my facetiousness!)

2. I believe in the power of average citizens (and especially those powered by Christ) to bring about change.

3. I can vote for Baldwin with the least guilt, given my “faith priorities.”
How Baldwin Meets My Priorities

It is a little difficult to go into depth on how Baldwin specifically fulfills all of these (or even most of them), since many of these “faith priorities” have been placed under my responsibility because his Constitutional ideals.  Protection of life (priority 1) and freedom (priority 3) are two cases over which I have little to no control as a citizen, and Baldwin’s presidential plan takes these into consideration.  As for the others, I will try to create a picture of how most of these priorities can be played out under his presidency.

1. A pro-life perspective.  Baldwin is unapologetically against abortion, protecting the life of the unborn baby.  He also firmly stands against engaging in wars that do not directly endanger the rights of the American people.  He says, “‘Supporting the troops’ means putting their interests and America’s interests first and not in needlessly endangering them by engaging in ‘policeman of the world’ military adventures all over the world.”  I believe this is an important “pro-life” stance to hold.  As for exercising a pro-life stand in regard to life-threatening diseases here and around the world, I believe that Constitutionalism has the potential to make the greatest impact on eradicating HIV/AIDS, malaria, tuberculosis, starvation, and other life-threatening conditions.  Try this on for size:  Barack Obama pledges to double foreign aid from $25 billion to $50 billion dollars by 2012 — a commendable goal.  But for the 300 million Americans to meet the same financial goal without the government as the go-between, each citizen would have to give only $166 per year.  A pipe dream?  Not if taxes were significantly relieved.  Not if this modest goal were perpetuated by a small group of committed people.

2. Care for the weak.  Again, Baldwin’s plans calls for the citizens to tend to these issues, rather than the government.  So, in a way, I’m voting for myself to get this done.  But with Darrell Castle (the vice-presidential candidate) as the founder of an organization which ministers to homeless gypsy children in Romania, I’m hopeful that care for the weak is a priority that will be supported by a Baldwin presidency.

3. Freedom.  Chuck Baldwin’s Constitutionalism sounds like the best plan I’ve heard to protect an individual’s right to freedom –for protection against slavery, for protection of rights for homosexuals, for choice and competition in education, the right to eat as one desires, etc.  His plan gives no special rights to anyone, but protects each citizen equally.

4. Environmental care.  While I think a carbon tax like Obama proposes could reduce the negative impact Americans have on the environment, it may not teach them to care about nature or understand its role in our lives.  Baldwin doesn’t address the environment specifically, but my hope is that his Constitutionalist message would increase competition for farmers, stop the subsidizing of single-crop farming (read: corn!), and promote organic, sustainable agriculture.

5. Inclusiveness.  On immigration reform, Baldwin is a bit tough on illegals, as my friend Tami warned me.  While I agree that there have to be restrictions and laws in place to protect American citizens, to ship all illegals back to their respective countries (as Baldwin wants to do) would be unnecessary if they are willing to go through the proper procedures.  Baldwin welcomes legal immigrants.  I admit Baldwin comes short of the mark on this priority.

6. Cultural regeneration.  As far as I have seen, Chuck Baldwin supports and models healthy family values.  Baldwin’s plan for education is to eradicate the Department of Education and do away with public schooling.  Can you imagine that?  He argues that the Constitution doesn’t give the government power over education, and that privatizing education would improve its quality.  I would love to be part of this experiment!
Some Final Thoughts

Some of Chuck Baldwin’s ideas seem far-fetched, and I admit, I can’t imagine living the United States he describes.  But if it happens, I want to be a part of it.  To avoid the ruthlessness of having a smaller government, to prevent the public from destroying itself, I believe Constitutionalism calls on the Christian church and other concerned and caring citizens to promote principles of health and life and love to those who are less fortunate.  In fact, I believe that’s the only way Constitutionalism will work.  We cannot look at Constitutionalism as “every man for himself” but as “every man for his neighbor.”  That’s the kind of nation I want to live in.  And that’s what I’m voting for tomorrow.

But (ding!) let me just wake up to reality and admit that Chuck Baldwin will not win tomorrow.  I still refuse to fear either the Republican or Democrat candidate.  I do not agree enough with either of them to give them my vote, but I will give them my prayers and support.  My sister Rachel posted a blog article called “Religion and Politics”, in which she shared the main points from her pastor’s sermon on Sunday.  For a Christian in this election, her thoughtful post was such good news.  To borrow her pastor’s final questions:

• Where is your hope?
• Are you going into Tuesday with fear or faith?
• Most of all, is this fear or faith stoking your desire to go into the world with the gospel?

Finally, after a lot of stressful reading and pondering, I’m happy with my answers to those questions.

mein kampf: a political testimony 19.October.2008

I helped keep Barack Obama in his candidacy for U.S. President.  That’s right.  I voted for him in the Texas primary.  To be honest, I liked crazy old Ron Paul, but I knew he had no chance of winning when my time to vote came around.

“So how could you fall so far as to vote for ‘that one’?” my dear Republican readers wonder.

Sometime last year, I realized that Christians can vote for Democrats.  No, seriously, I did.  My highly respected Christ-following sister came out of the political closet and announced she was a registered Democrat.  And then I read God’s Politics by Jim Wallis.  And Wallis poisoned me even further.  I realized that voting on political issues was going to take much more mulling and measuring and masticating (sorry — I needed another m-word) than going with the general trend of the evangelical Christian public.  How should I stand politically as a follower of Christ to promote justice on the earth?  I had heard, you know, that line that says “God’s not a Republican.”  But really, God’s not a Republican.

In the past few months, everything has gotten hot.  I have heard people blast McCain and Palin; I have heard people blast Obama and Biden even harder (maybe thanks to my conservative background and the people with whom I associate?).  Everyone seems to have decided whom they’re voting for, and the other candidate may as well be the devil.

And in the meantime, I flounder.  Not on the issues.  But on the candidates.  Poverty is something God cares about deeply, and so I lean toward Obama, who cares enough to mention poverty among the issues on his website.  But abortion?  How do you even quantify the horror of abortion?  And yet.  And yet. Should the issue of abortion govern all my every political decision?  After all, what impact might our care of the environment have on future generations?  Would taking care of the earth keep millions more people alive in poverty-stricken countries in the coming decades?

I tried to quantify innocent deaths against innocent deaths; I compared the issue of abortion with the war.  (I am not strongly anti-Iraqi-war, since there is way too much confidential information for the average American to decide whether going to war was justified.  I do have my suspicions, though, that the war had more to do with oil than with the danger of dictator Saddam Hussein.)  Just or unjust war, “innocent” Iraqis have died — people just as precious as those aborted babies.  But those babies — there are so many.  So many more than those killed because of the US’s decision to go to war.  So if you’re comparing numbers… isn’t abortion still the greater evil?

Obama says he wants to educate women so there are fewer unwanted pregnancies.  He wants to make adoption a more viable option, too.  I can support that, although I hate, hate, hate his “if all else fails” solution — to murder a baby that God created.

On financial issues, McCain says, “I want to make every American rich!”  Obama says he wants to spread the wealth around — a biblical perspective if you ask me.  I’d like to say that Christians can do the job of lifting the poor from their suffering, independent of taxation fixes.  But the truth is, we’re not doing it.  Well, then, it’ll have to be done for us.

I have been disgusted by McCain’s haughty nature in debates with Obama.  Maybe he calls himself a maverick; I call him rude.  I have been positively influenced by Obama’s thoughtful, measured responses.  Truly.

On the issue of agriculture, I’m with Obama, too.  While McCain wants to enable farmers to compete in the worldwide market, Obama wants to make it easier for local family farms to thrive.  Obama’s focus is crucial in cutting our oil usage and keeping organic, local food at our fingertips.

I am not deeply impacted by the likelihood of Obama raising taxes.  Socialism does not scare me.  (Oh, how many of you must hate my standpoint on this!)  I wish we could have pure freedom in America.  I wish that the generosity of free humans would overflow with such abundance that poverty would be annihilated.  But it’s not being annihilated.  Those that would be generous have not been generous enough, and the poor continue to suffer.

And I think, too, that freedom on earth is just wishful thinking.  If you’re free in Christ, what does a bigger government harm you?  I realize that governments can get so big that God’s people are oppressed, and I believe that grieves God.  But think how the Chinese church has grown under Communism!  I don’t wish that for us as Americans at all, but I don’t think that socialism is the epitome of spiritual warfare.

What I want to vote for, come November, is a candidate that will support God’s values to care for the poor and the disenfranchised and the earth we’re supposed to be stewarding.  I have not forgotten that one of the disenfranchised ones is the tiny baby who doesn’t make it out of his mother’s womb alive.  And I hurt for that child; my gut churns for that child.  It is the one issue that is keeping me on the fence.

I wish I could just write in Ron Paul on my ballot and say my vote doesn’t matter anyway, especially here in Texas.  I could just stay home and watch McCain get Texas’s vote.  But I believe I need to decide.

And so I struggle.  And so I pray.  I pray that when I cast my ballot, I will do it without guilt or regret.

Afterword:

I know you’re both out there — Obama supporters and McCain supporters.  How did you make your choice?  If your few words could convince me to support one candidate above another, what would you tell me?  Please!  I really want to hear from my readers on this one.

living with lists 4.September.2008

I have tried FlyLady.  I have tried winging it.  I have sent myself on many, many guilt trips.

The thing is, my dear mom has a housekeeping plan for her house that left no room for failure.  If she planned to clean Friday, she cleaned Friday.  Her follow-through rate is amazing.  Mine?  Not so good.

FlyLady wasn’t so bad.  I have to say, it was motivating… in a cute sort of way.  Attitude and self-image were of high importance; I have a hard time arguing with that.  But the emails.  Ugh.  The emails drained me before I even got started.  I think you’re supposed to forget about the daily missions if you don’t do them for the day.  But I saved them.  I had piles and piles of uncompleted household missions that stared me in the face every day, reminding me that I would never catch up.

I abandoned FlyLady shortly before Isaiah was born.  And, well, the house has been a disaster since then.  I clean, oh, once a month?  I don’t know; I don’t count anymore.  But it stinks (literally, as of yesterday)because, you know, I like a clean house.  But beyond that — way beyond that — I’ve been wanting to seek God’s purpose in my daily life.

I believe one can know the big picture of needing Christ, and maybe even be motivated to love and evangelize those who don’t know about his saving grace, without inviting Him into the everyday.  But what about eating, sleeping, and getting groceries?  What about cleaning the toothpaste-caked bathroom?  What about changing your baby’s wet diapers (I’m not even talking poop; that takes some grace!  Pee is the mundane for me.)?  What about washing the car, ironing, sending the laundry through its cycles?  Where does God come into our lives during those moments?

Ann at A Holy Experience has been blogging about ceremony in recent days.  Read her words from her post “Live a Celebrated Life: the beauty of ceremony”:

If we consider an occasion meaningful, we develop a ceremony to duly recognize it. Simply, ceremony is a repeated action that marks important happenings: always candles on birthday cakes, centerpieces for Thanksgiving, vows on wedding days.

And yet, isn’t every day important? Do not all of our acts warrant ceremony?

Ann goes on to describe God’s way of creating ceremony in our lives: the sun rising and setting in splendor, the stars decorating the night sky.  So, too, we can mark the beginning of a new school year with bright, sharpened pencils; begin a meal with a prayer of joy and thanksgiving for a generous God; grace our ironing time with a blaze of music.

But how can there be ceremony if there is no mundane task to deck out in grace?  We can set out to only enjoy life, throw our work and schedules to the wind, and thank God for what prosperity may come.  Or we can embrace the mundane as opportunity for everyday beauty, for seeing the fruit of labor ripen and bless our lives because we tended it with diligence.

I’m good at imagining diligence.  I can make lists like no one’s business.  Don’t believe me?  Please see the following example.  She is one of (at least) three lists that will guide me in my housekeeping tasks:

Monday

Sweep/scrub floors (Kitchen and Living room)

“Spring” cleaning: Choose task(s) from monthly list (another list for another day!)

Clean out fridge and microwave

Tuesday

Clean bathrooms: counters, toilets, baths, showers

Dust everything

Clean kitchen counters

Plan weekly meals

Make shopping/errand lists

Check grocery store sales

Clean out purse

Declutter top of dresser

Isaiah’s bath night

Wednesday

Run errands: grocery store, post office, library, gifts, etc.

Pay bills; balance accounts

Write thank-you notes and letters (including MOPS)

Go through mailbox

Declutter and organize desk; File papers

Email Mom and sisters

Clean out car

Toss old magazines

Thursday

Vacuum everything

Scrub bathroom floors

Declutter washer and dryer

Hobbies: cards, photo albums, knitting, creating art, etc.

Friday

Sweep tile floors; Spot scrub as needed

Wash car, if needed

Laundry: wash, dry, fold, put away

Ironing

Change bathroom towels

Shine mirrors and glass

Date night

Saturday

Work on household project, if needed

Garage/Yard Day

Clean kitchen counters

Take bath; Shave legs; Wash hair

Isaiah’s bath night

Sunday

Go to church

Rest, worship, play

Write rough weekly to-do list

Empty all trash and put out trash barrels

Whew.  Now that we’ve got that over with, let us all agree that I know the work that needs to be done around a house.  But I also know the guilt of seeing my lack of checkmarks at the end of a day.

I have approached this new homekeeping project asking God to help me keep the beauty — His beauty — in it.  Today, I decided that I may hand-write the entire list in my journal, paste pictures I love beside the daily tasks, and use the list more of a guide than anything.  I will grace the list with encouragement from the Encourager Himself:  “Commit your works to the LORD, and your plans will be established…. The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.” (Proverbs 16.3,9)

More than anything, I don’t want my cleaning of my house and planning meals to rise above my desire to make our house warm and inviting — not only for guests — but for my family.  I want joy and peace, goodness and love to reign here.

That is why I want to add ceremony to our lives.  So to my daily task list, I add:

• One hour of reading with Isaiah (yes, it’s a lot, but it’s so precious and important)
• One hour enjoying nature
• Time with God, early in the morning
• Thirty minutes of reading for pleasure; thirty minutes of writing
• Singing and reading Psalms with Isaiah every morning

These look like more tasks to accomplish, but they give us something to look forward to.  They motivate me for things that would otherwise be drudgery and rigidity.  They compel to me to let myself experience grace and rediscover purpose when all I can focus on is what I have done or haven’t done.  The lists are just for me; God isn’t giving grades.

in pursuit of gratitude 13.August.2008

I woke up angry.  Or I arrived there quickly.  Isaiah was standing beside our bed a few minutes before six, saying, “More milk?”  We give him what he wants at that hour — fill his little cup and tuck him back in bed with his blankets.

In minutes, he was back by my bedside.  He wanted to go night-night with mommy.  Figuring it was the only remaining chance to get him to go back to sleep, I pulled him up beside me.

He didn’t go back to sleep.  He tossed and turned, drank his milk, touched my face with his hands and then his feet.  “Stop,” I barked at him.  He smiled at me in return.  Things were not going well.

At seven I gave up, angry.  Angry that I could not have my quiet time with God this morning.  Angry that Isaiah would probably be grumpy later on in the day because of his shortage of sleep.  Angry because as hard as I try to get up earlier in the mornings, Isaiah keeps getting up earlier, too.  Angry because I felt like God owed me a few minutes of solitude and preparation time before having to face the day.

These words from Ann’s blog, A Holy Experience, greeted me as I checked my blog feeds this morning:

“Give up
the bitterness, the anger, the sadness

for what isn’t,
that you wish you had.

And embrace the gift of what you do have.

For therein

is really what you want more of:

Joy.”

-Elizabeth Elliot

My heart sunk with remorse at my anger.  What would have been my most convincing argument toward God — God, I won’t even be able to meet with You alone this morning! — was crushed in the realization that God had not allowed Isaiah to go back to sleep.  What I had was a happy boy, an awake boy, ready to greet the day.  And I could not even be thankful for his health and his happiness and the night of rest God had already granted me.  Instead, I propped up my worthy idols and asked God to worship them.

Today, I am going to join the Gratitude Community and start making my own list of One Thousand Gifts.  I’ve loved reading other bloggers’ lists of gifts from God, but I’ve resisted starting my own list because (sigh) I like to be original and different and not give in to the trends of the blogosphere.  But I give in.  Because my gratitude is worth nursing more than my pride.  I released my idols this morning and stepped into the day with my little Isaiah.  I took him to the park, and in my head, I began to form a list…

1. 73 degrees at 9 a.m.  Ah, sweet relief from the heat wave!  The soft warmth of sunlight on my face, and the morning air rushing over my face…

2. My little boy in pursuit of friendship.  His little hand cupped inside an older child’s…

3. The delight that splashes across his face in watching a black lab…

4.  The familiar faces of women in my neighborhood.  Their presence convinces me I am not a stranger here.

5. The bread dough on my stove, slowly, slowly rising…

6. The anticipation of seeing my husband tonight…

waffling: what should we eat? 25.June.2008

Questions and Turmoil

Did I just say yesterday that I was eating raw again?  Was it really just yesterday?  Well, my mind is spinning with questions now.  I never thought I would be in turmoil about the food I eat.  I never thought it could be a spiritual issue.

I am constantly astounded by how little humans are able to understand.  A thinking, soulful, researching species — and yet we can’t get a grasp on the perfect way to live, specifically the perfect way to eat!  God has included so many minute details in His creation, and even the digestion and functioning of our bodies are still mysterious even though we use the functions constantly.  Perhaps our ignorance, our trying and failing are enough to remind us that we are in a fallen world.

Is striving for perfection in diet worth the effort?  If sickness and death are unavoidable, we could just throw in the towel, eat a Big Mac and be done with it.  But if you’re a steward of your body and the earth like I am, you do the best you can.  You realize that if you are going to do all things as unto God, you must eat unto God.  And that’s how praying about my food (beyond “Thanks, God, for this meal.”) has become a new habit in my life.

I have prayed over too many meals, knowing I made a poor food choice, when I simply could not put my heart into the prayer.  “Bless this food, Lord.  Help it to nourish…  But how?  Huh.  Uh, bless it anyway.  Thanks… I guess.  Amen.”  But now I find myself pleading that I will make the right food choices — ones that will honor God.  At the same time, I never want to lose my thankfulness for a bowl of rice and beans.  I don’t want to go to Ethiopia and shun the food because it will wreak havoc with my raw vegan stomach.  I don’t want to become so stringent in my food choices that I cannot enjoy a meal with family, a meal with friends. 

Do you see my struggle?  Are balance and contentment possible?

 

Eating Raw: Have I Been Duped?

Brooke at the blog. is trying to eat raw this week, and I praised her for embracing such a healthful diet.  In starting my own raw diet, I had dismissed the counter-arguments to raw foodism on Wikipedia because I found the arguments for eating raw so much more compelling.  But Dan commented on Brooke’s post:

“Most of the claims [for the benefits of a raw diet] confuse me! Enzymes get destroyed by all the acid and proteases in the stomach, and so partially destroying them through cooking should actually aid in digestion. And I don’t see any way that uncooked food would cleanse the bloodstream or eliminate toxins. Have you heard how any of these things are suppose to work? I’ve heard a lot about ‘raw foods’ but none of the claims seem to make sense.”

Hmmm.  I sense that I am a person easily persuaded.  And I thank Dan for reminding me of that.  I don’t understand his digestive jargon either, but he at least convinced me to do more research.

 

Nourishing the Body

In the article “Myths and Truths about Vegetarianism,”  Dr. Stephen Byrnes discusses many claims made by vegetarians.  He argues that many of the studies done on vegetarian groups, in which health was linked to the absence of meat in diets, did not take all factors into account.  For instance, while Seventh Day Adventists may have fewer cases of cancer and simultaneously eat only vegetarian foods, they also do not smoke, a lifestyle choice that may have more far-reaching effects than the decision to eat meat or no meat.

While Byrnes’s discussions are not necessarily addressing a specifically raw diet, he helped me appreciate a more moderate view of eating.  Tom Billings’s comparison of the idealism and realism behind a raw diet hardly seems like a well-researched approach to the issue, but it did make me see my own gullibility.  I went to bed last night, totally overwhelmed with the conflicting information but still wanting to nourish my body in a way that glorifies God.

I am in no way saying my raw diet or anyone else’s raw diet isn’t wonderfully good for their health, but it is not a cure for all ills.  I have enjoyed the benefits of eating raw.  My energy levels have caused me to enjoy my life so much more.  But I am also concerned about being underweight.  I have already lost so much weight since my pregnancy that I can take off a couple pairs of my pants without even unbuttoning them.  And when I stray from the diet, the effects of fatigue can be disheartening, drenching me with guilt.

The main thrust of Byrnes’s article, which I will explore in more detail, is that meat and animal products provide specific nutrients like DHA, protein, and Vitamins A, B12, and D, that cannot be easily absorbed and effectively used by the body when eating only a plant-based diet.  Instead of blaming the beef and butter for our chronically diseased society, Byrnes says that “what has…risen precipitously [in the last few decades] is consumption of margarine and other food products containing trans-fatty acids, lifeless, packaged ‘foods’, processed vegetable oils, carbohydrates and refined sugar.”

 

The Morality of Meat

Byrnes further argues that if abstaining from meat-eating is strictly an environmental, land-use issue, one should take into account the benefits that organic animal waste has on the land.  If animals are farmed on pasture that is not prime cropland, it can easily be considered a wise use of the earth’s space.

Byrnes does not condone senselessly gorging on meat, but instead brings to mind the Native American attitude toward killing animals:

“When Native Americans killed a game animal for food, they would routinely offer a prayer of thanks to the animal’s spirit for giving its life so that they could live. In our world, life feeds off life. Destruction is always balanced with generation. This is a good thing: unchecked, the life force becomes cancerous. If animal food consumption is viewed in this manner, it is hardly murder, but sacrifice. Modern peoples would do well to remember this.”

And then I think to myself: raw veganism sounds like such a pure, perfect diet, but even Jesus — perfect Jesus — ate fish.

 

A Beautiful Balance

The argument that intrigues me most is this:

“[C]ommercial farming of livestock results in an unhealthy food product, whether that product be meat, milk, butter, cream or eggs. Our ancestors did not consume such substandard foodstuffs, and neither should we.

“It is possible to raise animals humanely. This is why organic, preferably Biodynamic, farming is to be encouraged: it is cleaner and more efficient, and produces healthier animals and foodstuffs from those animals. Each person should make every effort, then, to purchase organically raised livestock (and plant foods). Not only does this better support our bodies, as organic foods are more nutrient-dense and are free from hormone and pesticide residues, but this also supports smaller farms and is therefore better for the economy.”

So, is it really that easy?  Or should I say, does it have to be that hard?  Was Barbara Kingsolver right on track in her quest to eat locally for a year (please read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life)?

It seems that the food issue — what should we eat? — comes down to our care of God’s creation, both our own bodies and the land.  Has our laziness been the catalyst of our health problems?  We depend on food in the grocery stores, and think little about where it has come from, or how early it has been picked from the tree.  In so doing, we depend on transportation to get the food to the store, and we exchange nutritional value for convenience.  Speaking of convenience, so-called convenience foods are often highly processed; if we gave them up, how many nutrients would we gain?

What Byrnes is calling for is not the end of vegetarianism (as he says, “there is no one diet that will work for every person”) but a diet of living, whole, local, and organic foods.  For me, I think that means I can continue to eat yogurt and eggs without guilt.  Although I have been avoiding meat for most meals, I can include them if I trust their source.  But I also think I can include lots and lots of fresh, organic fruits and vegetables.  (But maybe I can decrease my consumption of my beloved bananas, shipped all the way from Guatemala.)  I have felt the impact of raw produce enough that I believe it should not be a mere supplement to meat. 

But I think it’s safe to say I’m not a raw vegan, or even a raw foodist anymore.  For now, I’d like to be known as a whole foodist, a local-as-often-as-possible foodist, an organic foodist, a grateful foodist.

 

The Price of Beauty

However, I don’t think I have to explain how 100% nourishing food would break our budget right now.  I dearly love my local farmer’s market, but it comes with a hefty price tag.

Is the only other option to do the work ourselves, to either become a farmer, or to start a first-hand relationship with one?  Community-supported agriculture requires the people who eat the produce to help with weeding and picking, to get their hands dirty.  To put an end to chemically-treated vegetables and factory-farmed meat means we have to stop supporting those industries.  Maybe that means adjusting our budgets to include the best food; maybe it means growing our own gardens and raising our own animals.  We must start a movement to get things to changed if we really want healthier food options for future generations.  And if that means breaking a sweat, if it means getting our hands dirty, I hope you’ll agree that it’s worth it.

But in the end, it’s still a journey.  We still ask questions, repent of our past, seeking contentment and displaying gratitude with every bite we eat.

isaiah: love 23.June.2008

His soft, sweaty flesh is pasted across my arms as we huddle in the dark corner of his room.  I’m not supposed to rock him to sleep anymore, am I?

In the daytime, he ambles over to kiss me (or lick me, if he’s feeling ornery).  He points a dirty fingernail at my forehead and says “eyebrow” for the very first time.  With puzzle pieces strewn over the carpet, I watch my boy (my boy!  I have a little boy!), and I keep being amazed.  He learns and he dances and he says words and gives hugs, and yes, he throws tantrums, too.

And then at nighttime, with his blankets up against his sticky cheeks, he falls asleep.  I kiss his head and tell him I love him one more time.  I pray for him to love God and love people and to develop patience and courage and wisdom.  And I shut the door, and he goes to sleep.

Well, except for tonight, when he had a little trouble settling down.  So many times, I have made him cry out his problems, not knowing if it was loneliness or fear or desire for just another ounce of milk that made him so unsettled.  He wasn’t sick tonight or in a strange place, but I went in to him anyway.  I held him against my breasts and watched his eyes close as his breathing became heavy.  His body is longer than it used to be.  He will not always be my little baby.

For now, I will touch each moment with a lingering hand.

faith questions 29.May.2008

I’m sitting in an interview at the Union Gospel Mission with a guy named Paul.  I have to be  interviewed to help the homeless.  Paul asks me why I believe what I believe.  I say, “The short answer is ‘faith.’”  But, I tell him, I feel the Spirit of Christ living within me.

I feel forgiven.  Paul lets me know a Buddhist or a Hindu or a Muslim or an atheist doesn’t care much about my feelings.  He asks me if I think truth is relative.  “No,” I say.  I’m thinking of Ravi Zacharias, and how he said when you’re told that truth is relative, to ask the other person if that’s a true statement.  It sounds better when he says it.  So instead, I mention the alliterative argument of C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity, that Christ was either a lunatic, a liar, or the Lord.  I say that no one could make the claims about himself as Christ did unless he were crazy, flat-out lying, or… telling the truth.  I happen to believe Jesus, based on the Old Testament prophecies, I tell Paul.  That’s actually one of the best arguments I’ve ever come by.

But lest Paul think I need some Scripture references:  “I just keep thinking of the place in the Bible where Jesus says, ‘No man comes to the Father except by me.’”  That should explain why there can’t be any number of rivers (or religions) that flow to the one sea (God).

But Paul doesn’t like any of my answers, and I feel very small.  No one told me I had to be a theologian to help the homeless.  I’ve grown tired of nit-picking over the details of eternal security.  I wanted to just let all of that go, and live a life of simple faith — one that still believes everything Jesus said, but not one that reads more into it than what I see at face-value.

Then another blogger writes: “God doesn’t let people go to hell because they misspelled the name of Christ. God doesn’t let people go to hell because they were mis-informed. God doesn’t let people go to hell to ‘burn for eternity’ because their notion of God looked more like Mohammed, Buddha, or Kwan Yin.”  And I want to yell and scream and ask how he could be so deluded.

And then I remember I don’t have much of an argument either.

Paul says I need a logical defense of my faith.  He draws me a picture of man and God — God at the top of the paper, man at the bottom.  He says every human is born and dies; there are no exceptions (well, unless you count Elijah and Enoch).  For all our good efforts, we cannot reach God.  I remember the time I visited a mosque and I saw the men praying to a God who gave them no assurance of salvation.  They just had to keep doing good… and hope they would make it (maybe crossing their fingers was more like it).  Paul tells me that Jesus was a human not born in the natural way.  Being fully God and fully man, he lived perfectly and then died to take care of our incessant sin problem.  No other religion’s “guy” could do that for humans.

And I nod because that’s good enough for me.  Paul must think it’s good enough logic for everyone.

But I know it’s not.  It’s not good enough for my blogging friend Matches.  And I wonder if I can ever find a purely logical argument that will answer everyone’s questions.  Isn’t logic of such a nature that I should be able to plug it in like a formula?  Push a button — voila.  Or can I only pray that God will convince everybody of the parts of the story that will always sound illogical?  Am I deluded to expect God to reveal his own intricacies to those who don’t know him as the father of Christ Jesus?  Or if I genuinely believe Jesus is the best good news ever, won’t I naturally do everything in my brain and heart and will and physical power to learn and spread the news with complete clarity?

I want to blame somebody for my lack of defense.  “Well, I didn’t grow up with a particularly theological background.”  “My parents never made me learn it.”  But it’s not their faith.  It’s mine.  And somehow that intangible thing called faith has to come out through the tangible things – words and actions and human skin.

enter: dreadhead 24.May.2008

It’s been over a month now since my new, dear friend Julie backcombed and rolled my straight, smooth hair to dreadlocks.  For eleven hours, Julie and I got to know each other while our babies played together.  I drove home at one-thirty in the morning, looking like a crazy woman with a gigantic spider on her head.

My hair is nothing beautiful now.  It takes months for dreads to develop, tightening up into knotted, matted locks.  I imagined going back to Sabetha, convincing my rural roots with a single glance that urban life leads to certain insanity.

Sara at walk slowly, live wildly was my dreadlock inspiration.  She explains her reasons for getting and loving dreadlocks so beautifully in these posts.  I met Sara when she and her husband Matt drove their veggie oil-powered RV through Dallas, and I was able to see her dreadlocks firsthand.  She wears them gracefully.

I mulled over getting dreadlocks for weeks, maybe months.  I prayed about them, asking God how much he cared about what I did with my hair.  I was intrigued that once they develop, dreadlocks take much less maintenance, washing, and hair products than standard American hairstyles.  I wanted them to be an exercise in patience as well, and a statement against our fastpaced, hairsprayed society, where everything looks like it’s in place.  I stand a bit apart from my society, hoping that I’ll get a glimpse what the homeless guy on the corner of 75 and Park feels like, looking different.  (“Can’t he just pull himself together?”)

And Kyle gave me another reason:  he suggested that we get dreads to mark our adoption journey.  We decided Kyle’s hair was too short, but now for me, my dreadlocks are a symbol of my surrender.  As they take their year or so to develop, I also wait a year for our baby to come home.  I depend on the courts and the agencies to sign a child over to our care, while I know it’s all really in God’s hands.

My hair has a mind of its own now, so I don’t have to think about it as much.  I’ll try to keep my mind on bigger things.

gasping for breath 20.May.2008

The past couple months have been a whirlwind.  I wish I could write that artistically, but all I can muster is cliche.  I have felt drawn to pursue new passions — living greenly and unapologetically, eating responsibly, loving (Loving.  Why is it so hard?).

I have wanted to post to you dear readers about my head full of new dreadlocks.  I wish I could have told you that already they are helping me be a more patient person.  I wanted to tell you that I have learned how to live without feeling rushed all the time.  I wanted to say that I mastered a diet of all raw vegan food.

But then things like cookies and impatience and my flesh got in the way.

I am so tired tonight.  Not physically; I don’t feel like sleeping.  I am worn out.  I had so hoped that this week, in which I have nothing scheduled, I could get ahead.  I could get the house clean, I could start reading books and blogging again. (Oh, wait.  I am blogging.)  But Isaiah was grumpy and disobedient and whiny today, and somehow that made everything seem like it was crashing down on me, leaving no room for escape.

Green living is tiring, and that makes me angry.  I get angry at society for not making ecological, healthy, responsible living the norm.  Ditto for healthy eating.  I have read so much about eating raw, enzyme-rich food in the form of fruits, vegetables, nuts, and sprouted grains.  All of sudden, I realized how ludicrous it is to eat based on taste alone.  It’s like saying to go have all the sex one wants just because it feels good.  I have gone full boar on my diet for days in a row, drinking green smoothies and vitamin-rich salads, and then found my weaknesses in the form of cookies and fast food.  I feel like I can’t find a happy medium because my self-control is so shallow.  Like I must either go 100% raw, or throw the whole idea to the wind.

I want to do my laundry in an earth friendly way, but my laundry has just been stinking lately.  Either my homemade laundry detergent isn’t doing the trick, or the air drying isn’t as fresh as it sounds.  Can I just blame it on pollution or something?

I want so desperately to know how to live life with simplicity.  I want to fling material things from my life, so that I can find pleasure in sitting in the dusky glow of the sun with a cup of tea and a blank sheet of paper.  I feel the shackles of this sinful world so heavy on my head, and I worry that I’ll either become haughty about my own success to overcome the world, or delusional that I’ve actually conquered the flesh when it’s actually the very stuff in which I’m bound.  Maybe those two things are one in the same.

The business (busyness) of life angers me.  The chemical spraying of food angers me.  The idea that someone would make something dangerous for money angers me.  Those dirty dishes by my sink anger me, and the high prices on healthy food.  I am angry that drug companies care more about a profit than helping an African with AIDS.  I am angry that I lack the desire to sit down at six in the morning to have a talk with God.  I’m angry that this world is so divided.  $3.78 for a gallon of gas makes me angry.  And I sit, and get behind, and there’s so much to do.  And that makes me angry.

And when I’m so angry, all I can do is feel weak.  And I just say, “Oh, Jesus.  Help.”

lent and the forgotten disciplines 11.February.2008

Just after Easter last year, I committed to seeking deeper intimacy with God.  In the beginning, I chose a different discipline on which to focus every month, hoping to have a renewed passion for Christ by Easter of 2008.  Since November, my disciplines have gone by the wayside.  (November’s challenge of loving Kyle in new, creative ways sounded really fun, but I honestly didn’t feel like the biggest romantic on the block when we had to pack up and move out of our house in a matter of two weeks.  Being houseless for another week didn’t help matters either.  So, I didn’t meet my challenge.  I didn’t get anywhere close.  But I’m not about to leave that one in the dust forever; it’s too much fun.)

It was my (sister’s) friend Jill’s candid post about Lent that compelled me back to my journey to intimacy with God.  Oh, yes… Lent.  Easter will be upon us soon.

Last Easter, I had so little joy.  On the most joyous of celebrations for followers of Christ, I felt so… blah.  And that felt utterly wrong.  That’s why I started my disciplines in the first place.  Though I haven’t had formal disciplines since November, I wanted to be a part of one final period of reflection in the weeks leading up to Easter.

I have never celebrated Lent, but its call to penitence, selflessness, fasting, and prayer draws me.  I think these traditional Lenten practices are something I’d like to, as Wikipedia says, “[take] up with renewed vigour” in the weeks leading up to Easter.  When I was younger, my Catholic friends always “gave up” something for Lent — a favorite snack, often.  So, in my first commemoration of Lent, I’d also like to “give up” something:  my joylessness.  A few years ago, John Piper (in Desiring God) first taught me the command of joy — although I had read the command countless times in the Bible already.  However, I’ve never tried to practice joy as a daily habit until now.

Claiming joy is my final discipline of this year’s journey to intimacy.  If it means that I spend more time sitting with God and meditating on his brilliance rather than updating my blog readers about how I’m not meditating on his brilliance, I hope you won’t mind.  My service is needed elsewhere.