passage

a blog without pictures, by c l beyer

something is afoot 16.April.2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — clbeyer @ 10:08 pm

Now is a time for Quiet.

If blogs still exist a year from now, my readers still ambling by,

I may have something New and Better to offer.  We’ll see.

I could tell you today about my Barefootedness

hoping the world will have  a more even dispersement of shoes

by sunset.

But I’m a little Tired, so I will save my words for now.

I’ll pile them up around the house — in books, on screen, in corners, in thoughts.

And next year,

or so,

when I am not full of dreams about a thoughtful-eyed baby

thousands of miles away,

I will open up my windows and let all of them

fly out and away and to you.

 

owlhaven’s ethiopian feeding party 27.June.2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — clbeyer @ 4:06 pm

Ever since I heard of Ethiopia’s food crisis, I have wanted to help in some tangible way, and actually get food into the bellies of those who are malnourished.  I don’t know if you’re like me, but I have some suspicion of how much money given to large, government organizations actually goes to the people in need.

Yesterday, Mary at Owlhaven decided to help raise funds to feed some of the poorest people in Ethiopia.  Owlhaven is not an organization.  Instead, Mary is a mom of 10 children, some of whom have been adopted from Ethiopia.  Her sister is currently working in Ethiopia at a hospital.  In a recent blanket drive, Mary’s blog readers donated enough money to buy a washing machine for the hospital, along with hundreds of blankets to wrap new babies.  There was such a good response that additional money helped a doctor from Ethiopia continue her feeding program.

Food prices in Ethiopia are soaring right now.  In US dollars, prices are similar to those in the United States, yet an average Ethiopian worker may only make $1.50 per day.  It’s not hard to imagine how that puts many Ethiopians in desperate circumstances.

I know asking for money is bold, especially through a blogger you’ve never met.  Scan Mary’s blog for yourself — read her sister’s Ethiopia updates, see a picture of Dr. Mary (to whom your money will go).  I believe in the cause enough that I wanted to do as much as I could.

If you are interested in helping out, visit Owlhaven for instructions on how to give through Paypal and to see how the drive is doing so far.  The drive only lasts through this evening (Friday).

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

 

waffling: what should we eat? 25.June.2008

Filed under: family, food and eating well, prayer, social justice, sustainable living — clbeyer @ 3:46 pm

Questions and Turmoil

Did I just say yesterday that I was eating raw again?  Was it really just yesterday?  Well, my mind is spinning with questions now.  I never thought I would be in turmoil about the food I eat.  I never thought it could be a spiritual issue.

I am constantly astounded by how little humans are able to understand.  A thinking, soulful, researching species — and yet we can’t get a grasp on the perfect way to live, specifically the perfect way to eat!  God has included so many minute details in His creation, and even the digestion and functioning of our bodies are still mysterious even though we use the functions constantly.  Perhaps our ignorance, our trying and failing are enough to remind us that we are in a fallen world.

Is striving for perfection in diet worth the effort?  If sickness and death are unavoidable, we could just throw in the towel, eat a Big Mac and be done with it.  But if you’re a steward of your body and the earth like I am, you do the best you can.  You realize that if you are going to do all things as unto God, you must eat unto God.  And that’s how praying about my food (beyond “Thanks, God, for this meal.”) has become a new habit in my life.

I have prayed over too many meals, knowing I made a poor food choice, when I simply could not put my heart into the prayer.  “Bless this food, Lord.  Help it to nourish…  But how?  Huh.  Uh, bless it anyway.  Thanks… I guess.  Amen.”  But now I find myself pleading that I will make the right food choices — ones that will honor God.  At the same time, I never want to lose my thankfulness for a bowl of rice and beans.  I don’t want to go to Ethiopia and shun the food because it will wreak havoc with my raw vegan stomach.  I don’t want to become so stringent in my food choices that I cannot enjoy a meal with family, a meal with friends. 

Do you see my struggle?  Are balance and contentment possible?

 

Eating Raw: Have I Been Duped?

Brooke at the blog. is trying to eat raw this week, and I praised her for embracing such a healthful diet.  In starting my own raw diet, I had dismissed the counter-arguments to raw foodism on Wikipedia because I found the arguments for eating raw so much more compelling.  But Dan commented on Brooke’s post:

“Most of the claims [for the benefits of a raw diet] confuse me! Enzymes get destroyed by all the acid and proteases in the stomach, and so partially destroying them through cooking should actually aid in digestion. And I don’t see any way that uncooked food would cleanse the bloodstream or eliminate toxins. Have you heard how any of these things are suppose to work? I’ve heard a lot about ‘raw foods’ but none of the claims seem to make sense.”

Hmmm.  I sense that I am a person easily persuaded.  And I thank Dan for reminding me of that.  I don’t understand his digestive jargon either, but he at least convinced me to do more research.

 

Nourishing the Body

In the article “Myths and Truths about Vegetarianism,”  Dr. Stephen Byrnes discusses many claims made by vegetarians.  He argues that many of the studies done on vegetarian groups, in which health was linked to the absence of meat in diets, did not take all factors into account.  For instance, while Seventh Day Adventists may have fewer cases of cancer and simultaneously eat only vegetarian foods, they also do not smoke, a lifestyle choice that may have more far-reaching effects than the decision to eat meat or no meat.

While Byrnes’s discussions are not necessarily addressing a specifically raw diet, he helped me appreciate a more moderate view of eating.  Tom Billings’s comparison of the idealism and realism behind a raw diet hardly seems like a well-researched approach to the issue, but it did make me see my own gullibility.  I went to bed last night, totally overwhelmed with the conflicting information but still wanting to nourish my body in a way that glorifies God.

I am in no way saying my raw diet or anyone else’s raw diet isn’t wonderfully good for their health, but it is not a cure for all ills.  I have enjoyed the benefits of eating raw.  My energy levels have caused me to enjoy my life so much more.  But I am also concerned about being underweight.  I have already lost so much weight since my pregnancy that I can take off a couple pairs of my pants without even unbuttoning them.  And when I stray from the diet, the effects of fatigue can be disheartening, drenching me with guilt.

The main thrust of Byrnes’s article, which I will explore in more detail, is that meat and animal products provide specific nutrients like DHA, protein, and Vitamins A, B12, and D, that cannot be easily absorbed and effectively used by the body when eating only a plant-based diet.  Instead of blaming the beef and butter for our chronically diseased society, Byrnes says that “what has…risen precipitously [in the last few decades] is consumption of margarine and other food products containing trans-fatty acids, lifeless, packaged ‘foods’, processed vegetable oils, carbohydrates and refined sugar.”

 

The Morality of Meat

Byrnes further argues that if abstaining from meat-eating is strictly an environmental, land-use issue, one should take into account the benefits that organic animal waste has on the land.  If animals are farmed on pasture that is not prime cropland, it can easily be considered a wise use of the earth’s space.

Byrnes does not condone senselessly gorging on meat, but instead brings to mind the Native American attitude toward killing animals:

“When Native Americans killed a game animal for food, they would routinely offer a prayer of thanks to the animal’s spirit for giving its life so that they could live. In our world, life feeds off life. Destruction is always balanced with generation. This is a good thing: unchecked, the life force becomes cancerous. If animal food consumption is viewed in this manner, it is hardly murder, but sacrifice. Modern peoples would do well to remember this.”

And then I think to myself: raw veganism sounds like such a pure, perfect diet, but even Jesus — perfect Jesus — ate fish.

 

A Beautiful Balance

The argument that intrigues me most is this:

“[C]ommercial farming of livestock results in an unhealthy food product, whether that product be meat, milk, butter, cream or eggs. Our ancestors did not consume such substandard foodstuffs, and neither should we.

“It is possible to raise animals humanely. This is why organic, preferably Biodynamic, farming is to be encouraged: it is cleaner and more efficient, and produces healthier animals and foodstuffs from those animals. Each person should make every effort, then, to purchase organically raised livestock (and plant foods). Not only does this better support our bodies, as organic foods are more nutrient-dense and are free from hormone and pesticide residues, but this also supports smaller farms and is therefore better for the economy.”

So, is it really that easy?  Or should I say, does it have to be that hard?  Was Barbara Kingsolver right on track in her quest to eat locally for a year (please read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life)?

It seems that the food issue — what should we eat? — comes down to our care of God’s creation, both our own bodies and the land.  Has our laziness been the catalyst of our health problems?  We depend on food in the grocery stores, and think little about where it has come from, or how early it has been picked from the tree.  In so doing, we depend on transportation to get the food to the store, and we exchange nutritional value for convenience.  Speaking of convenience, so-called convenience foods are often highly processed; if we gave them up, how many nutrients would we gain?

What Byrnes is calling for is not the end of vegetarianism (as he says, “there is no one diet that will work for every person”) but a diet of living, whole, local, and organic foods.  For me, I think that means I can continue to eat yogurt and eggs without guilt.  Although I have been avoiding meat for most meals, I can include them if I trust their source.  But I also think I can include lots and lots of fresh, organic fruits and vegetables.  (But maybe I can decrease my consumption of my beloved bananas, shipped all the way from Guatemala.)  I have felt the impact of raw produce enough that I believe it should not be a mere supplement to meat. 

But I think it’s safe to say I’m not a raw vegan, or even a raw foodist anymore.  For now, I’d like to be known as a whole foodist, a local-as-often-as-possible foodist, an organic foodist, a grateful foodist.

 

The Price of Beauty

However, I don’t think I have to explain how 100% nourishing food would break our budget right now.  I dearly love my local farmer’s market, but it comes with a hefty price tag.

Is the only other option to do the work ourselves, to either become a farmer, or to start a first-hand relationship with one?  Community-supported agriculture requires the people who eat the produce to help with weeding and picking, to get their hands dirty.  To put an end to chemically-treated vegetables and factory-farmed meat means we have to stop supporting those industries.  Maybe that means adjusting our budgets to include the best food; maybe it means growing our own gardens and raising our own animals.  We must start a movement to get things to changed if we really want healthier food options for future generations.  And if that means breaking a sweat, if it means getting our hands dirty, I hope you’ll agree that it’s worth it.

But in the end, it’s still a journey.  We still ask questions, repent of our past, seeking contentment and displaying gratitude with every bite we eat.

 

wow 17.June.2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — clbeyer @ 2:10 pm

As I was blogging this afternoon, I received an email from my dear friends at Citi.  The subject reads: “Go on vacation with a CitiFinancial Loan.”

What a great idea.

 

reflections from a morning walk 26.May.2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — clbeyer @ 7:14 pm

We walked today — Isaiah and I.  The milk was gone, and the apples were in short supply, so we walked to the store.  There are days when I heave an inward groan at the thought of taking the stroller instead of the car.  Muggy summer air hangs over north Texas now, and the wind whips itself into your face.  But today was a good day for a walk, despite the weather.  Besides, we only needed a few groceries.

I realized this was my third destination walk in one week.  There had been one other grocery walk, and one walk to mail adoption paperwork.  In a suburb where busy streets don’t seem to be friendly to pedestrians, it seems that this practice has been making itself comfortable in our lives.

We walked across the park, and I smiled to think of my plan to become a guerilla artist this week, spreading some wisdom across my neighborhood by chalking quotes on sidewalks and tying poems to trees.

Right on cue for the day, I found a plastic American flag on a wooden stick rolled up and wedged beside the sidewalk.  I gave it to Isaiah to wave all the way to the store.  We were patriotic this Memorial Day.  I was thankful to be in the United States, as much as I mourn the nation’s shortcomings.  This is the way we celebrate our freedom, fought for by veterans honored this day:  we walk to the grocery store with cloth bags.

There is litter along the road to the grocery store.  Every time I pass it by, I wonder if I should have stopped to collect it.  We saw empty food containers.  We saw a whole cob of corn and two halves — all eaten.  And then there were scraps of metal.  I don’t know what they used to be or who comes along to pick them up and send them to the landfill.  But I wondered if Kyle and I could begin to create art like this, transforming waste to beauty.

 

wishlist for society 26.May.2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — clbeyer @ 3:11 am

While having to endure frustrations may make me a stronger person, there are days I just make a mental list of how I wish things in America were.  Couldn’t fast food restaurants be annihilated, at least the greasy French fry and paper-wrapped part of them?  And if subdivisions were prohibited from being so monotonous and artless, wouldn’t America be a much more beautiful place?  I guess there is hope in America’s freedom.  While the things allowed in the food industry are appalling right now, the good news is that no one has to raise their chickens and cattle in their own manure, and no one has to live in cookie-cutter houses.  It might cost you an arm and a leg not to, but sometimes it’s more rewarding to go around limbless than to submit to a life void of creativity and justice and purpose.

 

So, with no further ado, my wishlist for our society:

 

1. All crops are raised organically with sustainable agricultural practices.

2. Franchises and chain businesses cease to exist.

3. Communities are built with a grocery store, library, fabric store, hardware store, school, and park within two miles.

4. Churches are no larger than 1000 people.

5. Bartering and freecycling is commonplace.

6. Well-planned train systems sprawl across large cities.

7. Everyone has had training in gardening, the arts, and healthy food preparation.

8. Locally designed and sewn clothes are widely available.

9. Businesses are all closed on Sunday.

10. Disposable grocery bags have been discontinued.

11. All restaurants require bring-your-own take-out containers.

12. There are no tanning salons.

13. Roads are built primarily for pedestrians and bicyclists.  And maybe horses.

14. Houses are built to last at least 100 years.  Builders are independent architects, who care more about making a structure beautiful than they do about making it quickly.

15. There is an art or historical museum for every movie theater.

16. Paper is produced from renewable resources.

17. There is one street musician and one artist for every person with a desk job.

18. Free high-speed wireless internet access is provided everywhere, but not at the expense of undeveloped land.

19. Electricity is powered by wind, sun, and people riding bicycles at the gym.

20. There is a concert for every sporting event.

21. There is a park for every square mile of city.

22. One book is read for every movie that is watched.

23. Teachers and farmers are highly paid professionals.

24. We know the people who grow 75% of our food.  We know the other 25% secondhand.

25. Families have no more than one car.

26. Homebirthing is common.  Breastfeeding is the norm.

27. Churches are staffed by volunteers. Fulltime volunteers are provided for by the gifts of those they serve.

28. Drugs are last-resort health remedies.

29. Lawns are watered with waste water.

30. Fair trade abounds.

 

I imagine I could go all the way up to 100 if I put my mind to it, but I will spare you from more of my idealism.  Idealism is wonderful, though, and it gives me a place to start and helps me dream.  I am not hoping for a heaven on earth.  I am hoping for a society intelligent enough to be good stewards, creative enough to imagine a Creator, and responsible enough to pass on a legacy of justice to generations to come.

What’s on your wishlist?

 

beans and gas 4.April.2008

Filed under: family, food and eating well — clbeyer @ 10:49 am

It’s painful to pay over $47 to fill the car up with gas, like I did yesterday.  It makes a family want to research alternative modes of transportation.  Kyle and I have been looking into DART, Dallas’s public transit system.  For a daily pass of only $3, Isaiah and I can catch a nearby bus to the train station and ride to our MOPS meeting at church this morning.  The downside is it takes a little longer; the upside — I get to hold and pay attention to Isaiah the whole way.  As soon as I get familiar with the routes I need to take, I don’t think it’ll be a tough decision to choose public transit.

 Gas prices are clearly effecting grocery prices, too.  Duh.  I don’t need to tell you that.  I had vegetable beef soup on the menu this week.  It’s a good comfort food, and I had a nice loaf of fresh multigrain bread my friend and I baked I wanted to eat with it.  I usually use a beef roast in my soup, but when I got to the meat case, I couldn’t find any roasts under $15.  Fifteen bucks for a roast?  I couldn’t make myself do it. 

Here’s a thought:  it’s probably all the demand for ethanol that’s making corn prices go up, which in turn is making beef cost more to produce, since corn is all CAFO cows eat these days.  So beef has got corn prices and gas prices against it. 

On a whim, I grabbed a can of black beans and a can of red beans, and headed home with the rest of my groceries.

I made my soup with low expectations.  My improvisations in the cooking world of late have not been worth remembering, let me tell you.  I poured in my cans of beans, added a little extra salt, and hoped for the best.

It was beautiful.  Colorful.  Healthy (the most unhealthy thing in the whole soup was the tablespoon of butter in which I sauteed the veggies).  Cheap.  Hearty.  And you know what?  It was good.  (And the bread was really good, too.)  What a spoiled little miserable girl I am, I thought, to think I need meat to have a well-rounded meal.  Meat schmeat.  Who needs it?

Thank God for beans when gas is in short supply.

 

in the new year 4.January.2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — clbeyer @ 9:37 pm

I can’t say 2007 was necessarily great on my self-esteem.  I mean, when you quit nursing, your boobs take on a pathetic sag (one of my sisters likened them to a baggie with a marble in the bottom, I think it was).  Combine that with a failure to read very many books.  And a record low in blog posts.  And the first year since I was probably 15 when there has been absolutely no income of my own to report on the tax documents.

Welcome to motherhood.

Actually, it really is great being a mom.  I was wrapping Christmas presents a few weeks ago, and I had resolved not to buy any more paper in an effort to be green and frugal.  I had a few used gift bags to work with, but my only wrapping paper left for Christmas was some brown grocery bag type stuff.  Isaiah unrolled it and decided he wanted to sit on it.  My precious paper!  I decided not to care because he was so happy to sit on that paper.  “That is a great place to sit, isn’t it!” i said to him.  My dear little boy got up, and slowly laid his nose and lips against mine in his version of a kiss.  Then he sat back down on the paper and blew me another one.  Did I say I had self-esteem problems?  I guess when you’re the only person in your son’s life who gets such royal treatment, you can’t feel sorry for yourself very long.

So I have to say, I’m hopeful as 2008 dawns.  I have a succinct, interesting list of new year’s resolutions that I can’t wait to get started on.  (Unfortunately, my dear blog readers, you don’t get to see them.)  I have a new outfit from my loving husband to feel beautiful in.  I have a cold sore. (Oh, whoops.  Wrong list.  That was supposed to go at the beginning, except that I didn’t have this particular cold sore in 2007.)

The best thing is that there’s so much time left in 2008!  Time to eat dinners; time to bake scones; time to read books and have sex (Did I just say that?  Well, I am married.)  There’s time to worship and pray, to sing and to research.  Time to take baths and get your husband to give you massages.  Time to enjoy Isaiah and await the new year’s adventures!

 

to a friend 4.January.2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — clbeyer @ 3:36 am
Tags:

I haven’t talked to you, checked in with you, said goodbye… anything.  So I hope you still know I care.  But just so it’s out there, I want to say that I think you’re amazing.  Shy?  Maybe.  Depressed?  Seems like it.  But hopeful.  I see that too.

You don’t have to spill it all out on the floor for me.  You’re obviously not the type of person to chatter to chase away the discomfort of silence.  But I’m here if you ever need that, you know.

I want to wish you peace and contentment.  I wish you passion for service and for worship.  I wish you more of the creativity you have spilled out so much more gracefully than I.  I wish for you direction.  Keep hoping.  It looks beautiful on you.

Oh, and p.s.:  Thanks for “[wanting me there].”  It is more hopeful.

 

my sweet drugs 6.December.2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — clbeyer @ 4:00 pm

(Disclaimer: I’m feeling a little rusty in the writing arena, so please pardon my cliches and badly flowing prose.  It feels like I have something to write about.)

As of Tuesday night, the cable internet at our new house was turned back on, and I indulged in Internet Explorer after being sober for so long.  Of course, I got my fixes of connectedness in the past week and a half… like when we stole our new neighbors’ wireless signals, and when our dear Peruvian friends lent me their web-connected computer along with the rest of their house.

I was a basket case two weeks ago.  We had three days to be out of our house, and we had nowhere to move.  The new rental kept being “not quite ready,” and despite my optimism in the workers who were supposed to be getting it done, it just wasn’t happening.  My other sweet drugs of comfort and having a home to ourselves were going to run out at the end of the weekend.

We stayed the week with our Peruvian friends.  I had been wanting to get to know them more, but if I could have had my way, God should have made that happen in a convenient time, when we weren’t living out of suitcases.

I think I realized that God had better ideas than I when I was sitting down with Mili at her kitchen table in the middle of Friday afternoon.  Our conversation drifted beyond “how was your week?” and “how many siblings do you have?”  She taught me about money and family relationships.  She taught me about being a gracious host to two homeless kids and their baby.  She taught me about praise.

And now we’re in our own place again (as God would have it, a much nicer place than what we would have had if the first rental had gotten done on schedule).  We have our privacy and our internet, and I’m telling myself to control my addiction to comfort for so many more reasons than I’ve ever had.