discouragement

written 06.july.2006

Dear God, this is the part when I’m supposed to remember that You are more than enough for me. This is the part when I’m supposed to feel You fill all my inadequacies and rest in the peace of knowing that You have.
I’m not remembering.
I’m not feeling.
Instead, I’m wresting in my incompleteness. I’m knowing I’ll never measure up. I see my failures all over the board and can’t see the above them. In spite of being “smart,” I can’t figure out how to succeed. In spite of being passionate, I have no passion for You – or at least I don’t know how to live it out.
Your Psalms await me. I can’t face them.
Every part of me wants to pull through, but I try one thing: it fails. I try another: it fails. I fail, and fail, and fail again.
Oh, God, when? When do You rain Your power on me? When is the part when I realize I need to be broken? And when’s the part when everything makes sense because You breathe sense into it? When, Lord? When do I get to stop feeling like a failure? When do I find purpose? When do I learn it’s not about me?

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    • Luke
    • August 21st, 2006

    When it’s time…when it’s time.

    Remember the last time you felt this despair?

    Remember how you thought it would never end?

    Remember how it did end, you were sanctified, and it was good?

    Do you remember the view from that mountain top after we climbed that dark cold mountain side?

    This time is the same way.

    Remember me, and have faith.

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