When life happens, hold it closely.

Life came, hit me right in the belly.  I mean that as literally as can be.  It was my belly, swelling round and ripe with the passing weeks that carried a piece of this life, kicking and rolling.  We could feel butt, back, arms, legs, and sometimes a head.  Life — right beneath my fingertips.  Life rising up and seizing my heart with passion and purpose.  Pregnant with life.

Ray Newman came at night when his brothers were in bed.  He came in a downpour of mama-roaring.  And after the lovely parade of midwife and family and more family and friends passed on by, it was me, Ray, Ari, Isaiah, and the boys’ daddy in our little house, living it up.

And now it’s nearly four weeks in.  I am a tired mama, but I can’t stop smiling at life. (I will eventually tell you about some tricks I’ve pulled to help with that, but they really aren’t that earth shattering or tricky.)  I am inhaling sweaty, milky baby while two very large-looking boys clamber all over me and ask for books to be read to them and cups of milk and for mommy to come look at the new towers they’ve built.

There are no fresh square meals, except what comes out of the freezer or from someone else’s kitchen.  There are a few too many movies playing in the living room while Daddy and I catch a few extra winks of sleep.  And I’m tired.  Did I mention that?

But I can’t stop laughing inside.  Ray puts his lips on mine when he’s hungry, mouth open, searching for love.   At bedtime, when my squalling baby is finally quiet and wrapped up in his blanket, I’m still flopped over on the bed, just gazing at him.  I’ve rocked, swayed, patted, juggled, stooped, hugged, explained, listened, yelled, wiped more than I ever thought I could in a day.

This is life.  My boys.  Getting up.  Tucking in.  Reading stories.  Tasting fake food.  Buckling in car seats.  Holding hands.  Getting out a breast.  Closing my eyes and trying to sleep.  I’m so tired.  But my mind keeps spinning with life, life, life and how good it all is.

*                    *                    *                    *

This post begins a series on home birth, specifically the gentle and beautiful one we experienced with Ray.  Although I may never post the play-by-play birth story, I hope to share some of our pregnancy and birth preferences as well as some of the amazingly natural phenomena we experienced surrounding the birth.

    • Jamie B
    • September 7th, 2011

    Love it! Congrats on a wonderful blessing. We just celebrated our baby boy’s first birthday-time goes too fast these days, even if I am exhausted 99 percent of the time 🙂

    Jamie B

  1. September 27th, 2011
  2. October 6th, 2011

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